Tragic Beauty...A Good One Gone

There is something so tragic, yet so beautiful, about watching a loved one pass away.

Tragic in that I am selfish and want to keep my family around forever. Tragic in that my Nana lost a child, my Dad, uncles and aunt lost a brother and my cousins lost a dad and grandpa. Tragic in that he hurt for so long and was never really fully able to take care of himself how he needed to. 

But oh so beautiful. To know that a prayer of repentance was prayed. To know that he is no longer suffering. To be privileged enough to be there when he took his last breath. 

I will forever cherish the memories of every crazy, funny, embarrassing thing he ever said to me. All of the 5 am phone calls to my dad while I was growing up, I'd gladly wake up to them again. And not even gripe. I would go visit more, and stay longer. I would tell him "I love you. Mean it!". 

Today my heart is broken for my baby cousins who will not have their Papa there when they graduate high school. I hurt for the rest of us, that just want another day with him. 

Today I rejoice, because I serve a gracious God and now I know Ricky is basking in his presence as I type this.

Ricky Lynn McCurrie, thank you for being you. Thank you for loving us in your own way. Thank you for all of the good times. Thank you for allowing me to witness you take your last breath on this earth and your first glance at Heaven. I am beyond honored. Love you, mean it.

Rest in peace, Uncle. 

11-16-63 - 9-29-15

to every thing there is a season...

via

grief

ɡrēf/

noun

deep sorrow, especially that caused by someone's death.

"she was overcome with grief"

synonyms: sorrow, misery, sadness, anguish, pain, distress, heartache, heartbreak, agony, torment, affliction, suffering, woe, desolation, dejection, despair

Grief is a funny thing. Especially when you don't really know what you are dealing with.

I'm writing this post from the "family room" of the Hospice House where my uncle is currently being cared for.

For weeks now his "health status" has been up and down. You think his time is almost finished and then you come back a couple of hours later and he is sitting up having his chocolate milk (also known as Ensure). This whole process has just shown me yet again that we are here not on our time but on Gods and we don't leave here until he is done with us.

Most of our family has been holding vigil at my uncles bedside for a majority of the last of week. Upset at the diagnosis and the cause of the diagnosis but cherishing the good moments we have all had in the past and all of the funny stories he is telling us now, even though he has no clue what he is saying for the most part.

In just over a week of being here we have seen several families come and go as they lose their loved ones so I can't help but be thankful as I sit here tonight knowing he is resting peacefully in his room, even if only for a short time.

Ecclesiastes 3:1King James Version (KJV)

3 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven

I say all of this just to say, love your family and let them know you love them. Don't wait until they are bed ridden and have basically been given a death sentence to come around. I know I am just as guilty of this as the next person, we get so caught up in just trying to get by that we forget the important things. I'm learning all too quickly that the important things will one day be gone and all you'll have are memories.

Make those memories. Make a lot of them.

Oh Em Gee!!!

First trip back to the gym in like...a year = PAIN!!!

After realizing that I weigh more now than I ever have I made a run for the gym yesterday. I had a great 1 1/2 hr workout and was feeling great...and then I woke up this morning. My arms hurt, my legs hurt, my stomach and back hurt and even my freakin' ears hurt!!! How in the world does that happen!?!

People laugh at me because I have always said after a good workout that it "hurts so good". This pain, however, makes me feel on the verge of death. BUT, after being completely disgusted with myself for letting things get SO out of hand, I really feel like I have a new mindset for the first time. I am going to make myself go to the gym today and I will figure out a way of healthy eating that works for me, as that has always been my downfall!

So, pray for me. This could be interesting, for sure!

Ruger, My Lovie

So, I have another sad post. :( My sweet boy Ruger passed away today. Ruger was one of my two chocolate labs and they were my babies (even though they are old). When I bought my own home and moved out of my parents house this past October, I needed something more to make my house a home. To accomplish that I went to the local animal shelter and adopted the two cutest old labs I'd ever seen! I named them Browning and Ruger and they became my guard dogs, best friends and my entertainment. Ruger has slowly gotten worse over the last few months (He had really bad arthritis when I got him so he took pain and joint medication daily) and the last couple of weeks have been pure torture watching him fight so hard. Today he couldn't take anymore and he left me and Browning to try to figure out where to go from here. Dramatic, I know, but he has been a huge part of my life and my new home and things will definitely not be the same without him. So, this post is for you, Ruger. You were such a sweet old man and I will forever be grateful for the way you made my house a home. Love you, Oldie!

Remembering a Great Man

Today we laid to rest a dear friend of my Grandpa's. While he may have been 81 years old, it seems like his time was cut so short. Just diagnosed with cancer a couple of months ago, he went so fast. It's almost like we didn't have time to say goodbye.

This man, we called him Little Bill because of his small stature, was like a second grandpa. He was my Grandpa's side-kick and partner in crime. From their trips every morning to the local McDonalds for coffee with the boys, to spending hours getting their sprinklers in their gardens working just right, my Gramps and Little Bill spent just about every waking moment together.

Little Bill, thank you. Thank you for being a constant companion for Papa. Thank you for celebrating holidays, birthdays, graduations, births, and housewarmings with us. Thank you for treating us like your own grand kids, and thank you for praying for us, because although you never said you were praying for us I know you were. You will be loved and remembered always.