pre-teens

Hell. That is what I'm living through right now. PURE HELL.

In my house I have 10 year old, 11 year old and 13 year old girls. Two of which are currently PMS'ing (TMI I know, but it adds to the fact that I'm living in hell).
While I absolutely love these girls I have officially decided they are the rudest, most hateful, ungrateful and downright spiteful kids I have ever met in my life.

These girls are in foster care and have been through a lot. I know. I get it. My home life was not always a great thing either. They are kids. I know. I get it. I was a kid once too. Had I talked to and treated people the way these girls treat me I would sure as heck hope that somebody would have brought me down a notch or two.

Alas, I will deal with the crazy. I will cry myself to sleep some nights because I try so hard to help and give them things and experiences they would have never gotten had they been with their bio parents, and my efforts are COMPLETELY unappreciated. I will pray for a break and get over it when I don't get one, other than bed time and that is by far my new favorite time of day.

This too shall pass. Life is hard and I did kind of ask for this when I opened my home to foster kids.

Sigh.

momma countdown

via

I'm counting down the days.

36 days.

In 36 days I will take my little man back to court for hopefully the next to last time.

In 36 days our adoption date should be set, and hopefully taken care of within a month. By July 4th Bubby should officially be mine and I could not be more excited!

I tear up just thinking about how special this last year has been and how grateful I am for the parents that birthed my sweet baby, but I'll save that post for later, maybe when it is all official.

Today I'm stressing about the logistics of it all.
I have to plan long term with this little person. I have to worry about the paperwork, new birth certificate, new social security card, etc. I have to think about him starting pre-school and kindergarten and then graduating high school and eventually college.
I like to think about the person he will become. He already has such an amazing little personality, I can only imagine how it will grow and change with him.

Today I'm stressing about names. What will I name my sweet boy?! For over a year we have simply called him Bubby for the most part. I knew if given the opportunity to adopt I would and I would not want to keep his birth name in its entirety, if at all. I feel like what you name a baby is a huge decision, but how do I find the perfect combination of unique and traditional? Should I be freaking out over the fact that the original name I picked has now sky rocketed on the "Baby Names of 2015" on nameberry.com!? Because I'm totally freaking out over this!

More than all of these things I'm stressing over at the moment (and there are plenty of other things on the list that are more than any one blog post can handle), I am so beyond excited to be this much closer to officially being a Momma and not just a FoMomma! This is not at all what I expected for my life at this point, it's so much better. I am so blessed!

wasting my 20's...

So apparently the the thing to do when in public is to walk up to random strangers and question them about their family situation. I mean, I have no problem talking to strangers BUT I try not to be super nosy upon first meeting.

In the last two weeks I have been asked by complete strangers while shopping, "Are they all yours?" or "Wow, you don't look old enough to have so many kids, especially any this old! You married their dad, right?" or my favorite yet, "Why would you waste your 20s on kids that don't belong to you?". While I was annoyed that people ask such stupid questions in front of my kids I just feel the need to vent for a second and answer these questions for anyone that is so ignorant.

So, for starters, while these kids are not biologically mine, they are mine. They have been entrusted to my care for the time being. Some may be here a day, some a week and some forever. Either way, they are mine until the day they leave my home, and then they will still be mine in a way. Don't ask me stupid questions in front of my kids.

Am I old enough for so many kids and such "old" kids? Technically, no. I am 24. My kids are 13 months, two 10 year olds and a 13 year old. So you do the math. While the one year old is realistic, I don't know a whole lot of 11 year olds that have had babies. (I'm sure it happens, this is a crazy world we live in and crazier things have happened, just not in my circle of people.) And no, I am not married to their dad. I am not married at all, never have been and quite frankly don't care if I ever am. These kids are my responsibility as a single, 24 year old, and I am perfectly capable of handling them. Don't ask me stupid questions in front of my kids.

And now to my favorite, why do I waste my 20's on kids that aren't mine? Well let me start by saying, it's my "20's", I'll "waste" it however the heck I chose to. While morons are judging me for what I am doing let me just sit back and throw this out there. While you are partying it up, smoking, drinking and snorting who knows what, I am finger painting, cooking rainbow spaghetti, reading bedtime stories and taking trips to the park. Sure, you'll have some crazy stories to tell, that is if you remember any of them, but my grandkids will be able to hear my stories and not be ashamed of what I "wasted" my 20's on. I say all of that to say this, you waste your 20's how you want to and I'll waste mine how I want to. K, pumpkin! ;) And again, don't ask stupid questions in front of my kids.

I don't foster for recognition. That is not at all what it is about. I foster because I feel led to do so. I have always dreamed of ways to make a difference in the world and while most of dreams have fallen flat I feel like this is my way of making a difference. Not in the world but in my kids. When after months of adjusting and learning ways of coping with the situation a teenager walks up to you and says, "Thank you for making foster care not seem so bad. I love you. Thank you for loving me.", well I think I've picked a pretty decent way to waste my 20's. 

Proud FoMomma!

a little bit of the happy life

via Google

My house is super chaotic right now. Like, I have my sweet (newly 1 year old) Bubby, Miss Priss and a two sisters are living with us now (10 and 13). When I got the call from DHS to take two more kids I'll be honest, I kind of freaked out a bit on the inside. But I told them, "Sure, give me 30 minutes to get home." And by 30 minutes to get home, that meant 30 minutes to do a quick cleaning sweep through my house!
I ended up picking up the girls in town, for what was supposed to be only a 3 day stay. Well...that was four weeks ago yesterday and my girls are still here. And we are having a blast. It is a bit crazy getting four kids ready (or monitoring) for school and daycare every morning and then making four stops in two different towns to get them all dropped off on time. And the showering schedule is a bit insane (Thank God for 2.5 bathrooms!). These girls, and Miss Priss are CONSTANTLY hungry and I catch them in my kitchen at midnight more often than I'd like to admit.
More than the crazy though, these girls are so loving. They want nothing more than to cuddle up on the couch, all 5 of us, and watch a movie together as a "family". Little outings, like taking them skating on Friday nights and actually staying instead of just dropping them off, seems like a huge deal to them. And if you get them ice cream afterwards, well, you are just the best thing since sliced bread.
I say all of the time how weird it was going from a single 23 year old to a 24 year old with a baby and a  10 year old. Well, it just keeps getting weirder that I am now a family of 5, but I wouldn't change a bit of it! Love these babies like they were mine. Prayers appreciated for the girls parents and for me and my babies when we go back to court in April to pursue adoption!

more changes.

Just when things almost seem normal again one email can completely throw everything off.

So I knew what I was getting in to when I signed up to be a foster parent. You take in these kids who have all kinds of crazy pasts, horrible emotional and mental issues and even sometimes physical disabilities. You bring these kids into your home and family and you take care of them. Not just the basics, food, clothing, etc. You listen to their stories, their awful stories of abuse and neglect. You hear how they still love the people you consider absolute monsters for what they did to their own babies and you cannot imagine why they still have this connection with them. You deal with complete emotional breakdowns and hissy fits that would Kim Kardashian look like an angel. There are siblings in other homes, in other counties, and sometimes other states. You have to constantly be on look out for the last crazies these kids lived with.

It's exhausting really.

But then, through all of this crazy, you fall absolutely in love with these babies. There is a bond there like no other. You did not give birth to these kids but they are yours. And then, as fast as they showed up on your doorstep they disappear to go live with "forever families" or other bio family members.

You know what happens then? You cry. And then cry some more. And then ask yourself, "Why in the heck would I put myself through this insanity!?"
I can tell you why. I prayed for years for God to show me where he wanted to use me. I wanted a place to minister and be a blessing. I don't preach or teach. I sure don't sing. But I can take care of babies. I can love them and pray for them and prepare them for things to come.

This is my ministry. This is where God has placed me for this season of my life. And while it is so rewarding, yet absolutely heartbreaking, I will enjoy this time.

Please pray for one of my sweeties and my family and I as we start the process of moving her to a potential forever home. We want nothing but the best for her!